THOUGHTS INTO THE MORNING:Sketches of God’s grace.

For you to enjoy this read,please check out THOUGHTS THROUGH THE NIGHT:SKETCHES OF PAIN here

Do you really lack?I mean,are you as badly off as your mind dares to convince you to believe?

Well,here comes an almost sleepless morning,that moment just before dawn,almost nearing the call of your alarm for you to get up and start the day.As the cars hoot outside in readiness for the early shoppers to get to the market for supplies for the day.

At this moment when the bed grows colder and the bedding warms up,your wink of sleep disappears and in flood thoughts unsummoned .

In most cases it is an hour or half into time and your sweet last lap of sleep fades into the nether.In their place floods in a tirade of unwelcome thoughts.Most times if not all,we are the ones who welcome them with fear as the usher,or should I call it the key usher of our sorrows?

These normally are fears from the failures of yesterday.This grow into fears of what today may bring and hence fears of how ugly tomorrow might turn out to be.

So thoughts into the morning get clouded by fears from past mistakes,all thoughts culminated into pitfalls that are otherwise past and done with.In this thirty minutes or hour drawing into dawn,we are hence drawn into a sea of worries and shivers of regrets.

Worries and regrets of the wrong choices we made in the near or far past.In our worries this seem like could hence mar the success in today’s expectations thus blocking tomorrow’s realisation.

It is quite interesting how deep this sea grows the more we feed it with thoughts of how little we have been able to achieve despite the efforts and calculations we have thus made.

More salt to the wound is how many storms we feed into this once upon a time calm sea.It hence grows into a wave of worry.This in turn builds up into strong waves of how many obstacles lay in our path today.We raise these obstacles high above ourselves blocking every path we could pass through into success of our endeavours.Not to forget of how all these piled together leads to our eminent failure tomorrow.

The waves in this imaginary sea by now rides quite high as fear now rules within it.The rising waves once crisp and blue now block the light from above hence grey takes form and out of the once beautiful blue sea forms a dark storm of fear.This as it is becomes a total hindrance to growth.

Sleep by now is totally retracted and in its place restlessness and a thousand if not million deductions ensue.

All these get jumbled up as heartbeat rises since the storm seems to rise by the second.No solution is thus attainable in this sea of fear as fear erases all memories of past success,deeming them as luck instead of God’s victory in our lives.

In this short span of an hour,fear has thus managed to rid our minds of God’s providence and glory to this very moment that we are so lost in thought.Fear shows us how inadequate we are rather than how adequate God has sustained us.Taking us through all the crevices life squeezed our way.Fear eludes our mind of all the successes we had prior had and how much we have achieved not by our mere strength but by God’s might and grace.

Fear tells us how much our minds aren’t up to the task to think things through,masking the fact that our success is not based on how smart we are but by how much grace God has bestowed upon us.

At this very point that my focus is drawn from my fears and worries,I almost can touch the height of the rising wave in the storm of my deepening sorrows and worries.

Suddenly,when I see how sufficient my God has been and still is,I see the dark grey storm turn into amazing glowing light and splashes of His mercy.

The alarm then goes off and I realise how blessed I am to have this new day.I see now that I live in the present,a present as it is and that yesterday and all in it is gone.A sure sign of God’s sustenance.Tomorrow on the other hand remains a promise I have to trust God for.

Today however is a gift I have to give God the glory for.Thoughts through the morning hence storm down with an assurance of God’s sufficient grace and renewed mercies.

Live through the day and give God the glory.

PePa.

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MIRACLE ON THE MOUNTAIN:Sketches of God’s love pt2

Amazing is all I can think right now.And you might just quip in and ask me what is actually so amazing,huh?I would say everything all around me is.What again?Yeah you heard me right< I meant everything all around me is amazing but most above is the God who made it all so wonderful.

Still not gotten my drift by now am sure.Truth be told,I don’t know how to relay this tale,whether to begin at the top or from the bottom?Never been much of a narration expert so I most definitely love to jumble up my tales,like throw in a lil sauce here and before the broth catches form, dice in a little carrots and apologize for them later on;personally I never understand how carrots come in in a cooked meal as Morena my friend would have me wonder.

But I believe a good narration whether true or fable has to start from the very beginning huh?So this has been one of those slow starts to a week that then picks pace and most often than not gets you thrown off-course due to an extreme build up in acceleration.

Before you know it,an unplanned(let’s call it for record’s sake a planned and failed) weekend sets in.Not that you are even ready for it as another call comes in.Soon your sleepy self has to drag out of bed Saturday morning and off you run to get more supplies as business depends on it;the little delights and blessings we most often than not take for granted.

Beautiful Saturday finds me stuck in traffic along the Eastleigh Juja road and a strenuous maneuver gets me to a more busy Kariokor route down through Pumwani maternity hospital.

Speaking of which,there was to be a brand new maternity facility set up after our new governor was so unimpressed with the then prevailing state of affairs at the famous hospital,I don’t know what happened to the same as we quickly forgot about it with the new SGR(standard gauge railway) saga that soon ensued piled on by a couple other scandals,leading us to change the face of our currency.Not complaining on this last endeavour as I must admit those new currency notes are quite appealing and totally manageable……especially when forced to carry bulk amounts,since not all of our marchants love the ease of mobile cell banking for that matter.

(I wonder why it takes us loads of shove and pull to totally accept change in this age and time),reminds me of a folklore I read years back that stated,”He who refuses change is like the stiff-necked hyena who knows not what is happening in the world around it leading to its unplanned sudden death.”

A quick one however,do you guys get confused when it comes to distinguishing the currency values especially when the old and new notes get mixed up?Looks more like miskd grill,sorry, “mixed” to me in most cases.Let us at this point give it up to our Head of state.I pray his grand plan works to the advantage of most if not all of us.I would be most comfortable with ‘all of us’ however,is it my call though?I highly doubt it.

See why I said am not one of the best narrators around?I always meet a dog barking at me along the way and I have to analyse why it is barking before I can decide to pick up a stone and throw at it or set to my heels,quite unsturdy of me,huh?

My afternoon sure ended with me running up and down looking for a discount of 10 ksh shillings in an economy where a cent can’t buy much.You might think me crazy or even too much of a miser but let me be,at least for today that is.Just so you know?Am an advocate of as little bargain jargon as possible but I guess even the sturdy mouse gets caught up in its own trap huh?

The day runs by quite fast and am set to take a drive down the escarpment but as it is by now,time is so far spent and with my un-carrot eating eyes,I don’t see much at night especially with oncoming glares from indisciplined commuters,forgive them as I already did and made peace with it.

I hence do a quick run through google,oooh sweet google,have they given you a nobel prize yet?You even know my middle name before I key it into the board,hahahah.On my google search for quick getaways around Nairobi I hit on this old checker from back in my campus days.

Here toggles onto my page this sweet Maasai place name called Olepolos(Olepolos means place in the middle and true to the meaning this place is in the middle of a serene eye catcher)The terrain around Olepolos is nothing but pure bliss,hill ranges amidst valleys of unrelenting green,a green that fills your heart with nothing but breathtaking peace.You know the kind of peace that even gets jealous of you being too peaceful to not bother it?Yes,that is the serenity within and around Olepolos.

It is a one and a half drive outside town due to unending traffic at Ongata Rongai and another slow pull through Kiserian town.If it wasn’t for the calling serenity on the end of this long haul you would sure turn back at Ongata Rongai you know?

I hope I didn’t turn into tripadvisor without my knowing but some beauties are too hard to overlook.My companion is not complaining in the least as they are all but set to escape the crowded city as well.Oh the price we could pay for peace and a breath of fresh air even for a second,go ask a dying man in a mask of oxygen!

The next day noon sets us on a windy ride down to Magadi.You would ask me what is good down at Magadi but in gest you would even miss what is good right before Magadi.

When is the last time you drove on a stretch that had nothing but acacia bindings and spread on both sides of the road?

Here the only reminder of life were single leaping antelopes before your eyes once in a while and in others the road signs showing cattle crossing or children crossing?When is the last time you stopped a car by the road side to ask for a lift as the next public transport would take another good half to one hour or even two?

This reminded me of one episode in my younger years;oh how they creep into my nostalgic quip so uninvited.This time we was about to go visit some relatives far away in the big city(town in this case).My big city back then in plastic (sandak) shoes and a khaki suit was the Major Kisii town;I will always love how they crowd your bus windows with boiled maize,roasted maize,sweet banana and fresh avocados with the best prices.Back then i never had a dyme to purchase a bunch of either of this.Thanks to God for provision.

So twist to those days of visiting folks in the big city was that we had to wait by the roadside,not for a single or two days but it did a number to three good days of waking up,taking a bath by the riverside,applying jelly and dressing nice for the trip.Phewks! How we managed that is only by God’s grace.

Well,this is the kind of drive that makes you appreciate the little delights we call hustles back in town of waiting for a public transport car/bus to fill up without a complaint as that would be 5-10 minutes!

A whirl-wind in the midst of the acacia spread is another good reminder that in this side of the world nature hasn’t been tampered with and is important as even beautiful.I get two passengers,call them little companions,both beautiful Maasais,one a lad reporting back to school and another who jokingly calls herself Maasai original (A typical Maasai) who is reporting to work at Magadi town which is my routed destination.

A little chit chat and stop for a quick photograph of the expanse of God’s beauty which is the beautiful white Lake Magadi gets us into this little beautiful town that even has a guard at the entrance as it is an industrial town.We are received with a very kind tour guide called Amos Ole-something,the name is a long one forgive me for not remembering.

Guess I don’t have quite a keen memory of names afterall.He tells us a little history of the lake and even explains the reason why despite several hot springs recharging the lake there is very little water to show for it.This is majorly due to an underground drainage system from the beautiful lake Magadi draining it into the major Lake Natron in Northern Tanzania kilometers yonder.

These two lakes as I learn later were joined as a single basin-like lake but nature happened.It is his suggestion and question to us whether he should take us deeper into one of the five lake segments and see flamingos and other birds that changes the tale.

Along the way he says he wishes our car would be a little more higher as he would have taken us beyond the groove.We settle for the flamingos and birds today,quite a display these birds are as they wade the shallow lake waters beyond.

A good 14kms wasn’t a waste after all as the view of the expanse of white across the lake is breathtaking.We strained through a man-made ridge drive across the lake but our return gets suddenly stopped when our now evidently low car gets stuck in the mix of soft gravel and soft stones.

Am almost tempted to complain when Amos Ole-someone tells me to relax,that we won’t sleep out here in the middle of nowhere(literally) and that there is always a reason to everything.

For a moment I ask myself if he even knew the depth of what he had just said as what it meant to me was a total restoration of faith and hope.Lady in red looks at me,smiles and tells me we shall make it out safe,today she was in black however,I think I like it when she is in red more,it brightens her already yellow skin(rangi ya thao) .

We push out a little stones and gravel from under the belly of the car and try racing the car off but it digs deeper.Coming into the open space a little lad was over the hills herding a mixture of sheep and goats and after asking Amos Ole-someone if he had seen his other herd gets to his herding.I ask Amos if he could ask him to come down help us push again.He obliges without question and adds in a little shove and push but the stubborn low SUV does not relent.

This lad says we should remove all the gravel and stone from under baby girl’s belly which in earnest is no easy fete.He rushes back up the hill and comes back with two chopped long sticks,thanks to his njora(machete) dangling beautifully in his side pouch.

He sets to task and lying on his belly shoves out one stone after the other.Without dripping a sweat he comes back up and tells us to try push the car.We do so but no sign of movement is visible.She was purely out to test our wits.I say a silent prayer,”Not by might,nor by power,but by your Spirit Lord,”From the far end of the ridge I see another tall lad walk in casually but briskly to where we was,to me this is not a small miracle as this place is quite deserted.No house in sight nearby and even seeing someone is close to an impossibility.

The other lad is busy under the car shoving out stones and with renewed energy we try pushing the car as lady in red replaces any little space left behind the sunken wheels with flat stones.A sweat is by now not only caressing the brows but the entire body and a heat of 35 degrees centigrades is sure taking its toll on our dehydrating bodies.

Multiple pushes and stone scoops and a long one and a half hours does the deal.The two lads walk away without asking for any payments after the car find its wheel.I look bewildered at them and call them back to pay them.The first lad having left his sheep and goats unattended rushes off with gratitude and I wonder at this point who should be grateful to who.The second lad walks casually back over the ridge with a calm face on and I look to the heavens in gratitude.

Surely God had sent me ministering angels at my time of need that they should lift me up lest I dash my foot against any stone.(Psalms 91:11&12 :- For He shall give His angels charge over thee,to keep thee in all thy ways.They shall bear thee up in their hands,lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.)

Still waiting for a miracle on the mountain?I got mine right here and to God be the glory.

PePa.

SWEET SUNSET:Sketches of God’s goodness!

Do you also need a poem

No you don’t deserve it

Not even if you would wanna quit

You made your maker sit

To command and make you fit

Up high in the heavens

As He spoke into the horizon

And there rooted your place in perfection

He spoke into the darkness

And made you its sharpness

In a glow so flawless

And made light out of you

So no you deserve no glory

For your glory rests in the one who made you wholly

You are a single piece in his masterpice of perfection

His name God Lord Almighty

The founder of heavens and all its deity

And you a shine upon His footstool

The earth and point of His cool

To God be the glory always

PePa.

WHAT IS YOUR STORY? Sketches of growth.

They said as I started typing to share my story.So I ask me,what story should I share that is I have any?Quite an important question as I asked myself a rapid one with my eyes dimming into slumber last evening,”So what is your story?”

So here I type away as the same question comes flowing into perspective,”What is my story? And what is your story? What lies behind all the glamour and flair you wrap around your walk and glow?

A famous song done by Mary Mary used to rhyme as,”It’s the God in me,It’s the God in me!”Quite a catchy rhyme and hum this was,still is and will be in the coming many blessed years God will shine on me or even you.

Every glow and glamour must have a story I believe,every sad grouchy and drooping face has a tale behind it.I once read a writer rhetoric that the man who walked to his front desk held a face that told a tale of the blows life had dealt him over his span of life.Quite cryptic that was and that image stuck glued to my mind.

So I find myself here tapping away letters into my blog as I ask myself over and over,”What is my story?”

My story is broad,my story is not one plastered with hipe and pomp,no,not even with a little silver lining to the grey clouds marauding above my once gloomy head,no!

I have read of rags to riches tales,and yes I love them.How poor Jack suddenly is approached at the corner of the street with his head between his knees and arms stretched out begging for alms from so would be ever so caring change owners.This stranger leans down towards Jack’s crouched head and whispers a few words into his keen ears.He then unexpectedly jerks up and looks all beamed up and jolly asking,”Are you sure?You for real on this sir?”

Next thing we hear is Jack is on Tv holding a big dummy cheque written several millions upon.This for your information will only be known by a few individuals who ever knew Jack as he was used as a front image to a bigger Shinda mamilioni (Win millions) scam! Next is an unknown story of Jack who then disappears from the phase of the streets.Never to be heard from again.

This my friends is what I think Englishmen called luck?Am not sure if that word really holds meaning though I gave up on the same the first few times I tried my hand in lottos back in the 90’s.I never won any of those.I tried betting on world cup games in the next coming years and that my dear PePa reader was the last time I ever tried my “luck” in anything.

After that I resolved to hard work and forging forward trusting God to bring the best out of every little thing I did.I knew I had little or nothing but hope,faith and trust.I knew that no matter what the world threw at me I would overcome it for the one who held me was stronger than every force of the universe combined together against me.

I recall for example when I first joined High School in the early 2000’s.This was me seated in an auditorium of 50 students;multiply that by 5 and having been the best in a class of 28 in my lower school this would sure have cowered me out my wits.Sweaty palms and an urge to be the best I had to make all things work together for my good.This called for more than just many nights of book-worming and sleepless ones at that.Something had to give and here it was nothing but my pride.

Reminds me of an earlier post I had done about my early school years called ,”THE DEATH OF A HUNTER:sketches of an onlooker” find it here for more.

Anyway,laying down my pride meant I had to admit that I couldn’t manage this vast expanse of education and growth on my own.That I needed better,wiser and deeper help,that multi-choice answers or higher cramming capacity(I was never good at this either) would not go far enough in helping me make it.

I needed more,I needed grace;a grace that had been my portion ever from the beginning of time and only called for me to tap into it(Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: …. Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: …
https://bible.com/bible/1/mat.7.7-11.KJV )

So I realised I needed to seek God first and seek His righteousness,lean on Him and He would work on me as required,that He would in time produce the best that He wanted out of me.

So coming from what everyone calls a humble background I had to be humble indeed;but what is humility in essence?Is humility equated to lack and pride to having much?Eludes my mind as I tend to dispute this school of reason.True humility lies in a heart willing to love,learn and appreciate.Such is true humility.It is deep-set and not just an emitted facade.

Humility led me to understand that there would always be people who would deem me inferior(not that there clouded judgement mattered at all but only my perception of their thoughts did),there would always be people who looked better than me and even those who had more than what I did.

What humility din’t teach me however is that if I was born without then I was doomed to stay the same always.It taught me that lack was a way to trust God in His purpose and strength to provide if I heeded to His call,if I thought better of others and treated them with care.That if I went out and put in work trusting God wanted the best for me then He would sure bless the works of my hands.

So trusting that I would be blessed in my efforts I went out and did my best leaning on Him for understanding.Working my way through I came out not top of my class but counted among the best of the cream.Yes that little boy from the bush was blessed and elevated to a point of recognition.

Does the story end there?If I was to narrate the countless times I have failed before,lay down flat on my belly in tears and cried my eyes out there sockets it would bring back the melancholy,the hurt and pains…Still it is a worthy tale as it would take me through the valley of the shadow of death in literal sense.

See this instance for example in the recent past when this new landlord pushes us out of his newly acquired establishment with a month’s notice and on a little dillying and dallying comes with an ingenious idea of drilling massive holes on the celing during a rainy season!

Did I cry or give up?Yes I cried but give up I din’t,taking forcefully from another as I had undergone the same cruelty was and still is out of question.

So,you will ask,what is my secret?Where does my strength lie?What gives me the juice to rise up every morning,fold my sleeves and say,’This is the day that the Lord has made,I will rejoice and be glad in it?” Yes you got the answer right there,God is the reason for my season,whatever I am going through,He is right there with me and has taught me that each day ain’t mine rather He has made it and will provide sufficiently for me.That He has grace enough for every moment that comes and hits my way.

That it doesn’t matter my current state,how bad I feel it is or even how bad it all looks.That there is no luck in life but only His hand in everything I go through.

That I only need to lean on Him and trust in His good,pleasant and most perfect will…..

What is your story?

PePa.

UNEARTHED PIECES N02 :Sketches of lost thoughts.

Down on the ruminations,my mind goes on a journey my heart cant help but leap on and follow….a dirst filled beautiful ugliness,the creations and enchantments of human doings….At times I pause and laugh at all the stupidity so created in our minds of oblivion,total ignorance and utmost selfishness….

Listening to my ownself i make no sense at all.even in my mind of purity and convinced wisdom…oooh if Solomon still lived how he would stare down at me and chant vanity of vanities…but despite all this journey of self analization ooooh does it ever stop.?as if I would answer my own questions and pauses?oooh I go on in my whiles and criticisms…

Well most times I wonder if the human was meant to be dependent on other’s opinions and acknowledgements for assertions of self-worth….but if not why else would the human strive so much to acquire and attain set standards -if there exists any set limits that is- and the appraisals of fellow mates in the quest for “joy” or is it self-joy and regard?….well maybe it still explains the total cleave of each individual for not only warmth but also regard and a sense of belonging …at times it makes no sense but in reality everything is all netted like a spider web and for all eternity the human is constantly struggling to fit into the same web….often breaking and tearing the embedments…causing chaos and commotions in his wake…

Still all this explains the high degrees of selfishness and the more reason why breaking from this illusion is a necessity despite the difficulty in the same…..

Well my ruminations no they cant stop….in moments of total calm or messed up motions my fingers and mind work as on and so I have to give in to this urge of expression……

Do i really need explain my selfishness anymore???

PePa.

UNEARTHED PIECES:Sketches of the Glint!

I did not choose to meet you Kare,fate brought me to you,I saw many others before you and on the same day,same location but only you caught my eye out of the same location.

Your intentions could have been wrong but mine were pure.First time in my life I opened up my entire world to you.Maybe only mistake I ever made but the reasons were right.

Forgive me if am weak for being honest,forgive me even more for wanting to see and find the truth,but what is love without honesty?

Well,the problem is not in the mistakes you did,maybe in your shoes I would have done the same.Problem lies deep inside your eyes my heart,for right through your teeth and in self defence you can lie,problem takes route deeper within your eyes and down in your heart.

In your mouth and feelings you might seek revenge but deep down in your beautiful eyes and heart you sure plead for true love.One the ocean is jealous of.

So take a walk with me and for once lay your intentions bare,let our hearts see right through each other.Take a dice with the scalpel and portion this into slices.Let us see that critical mind get through the surface and unveil all the membranes.

The top may lie my love but deep inside lies a passion we both can’t escape.If you let your heart find out the truth and your mind with it join then for once you will find that this doesn’t call for understanding no,it doesn’t even have to make sense.

For once you will see that only in sincerity lies true unmatched love.That you could have cut right through my heart with all your bitter words but at the embrace of your true essence,at the embrace of your true heart,my heart still has this yearning and passion for you my Kare.

I don’t need a reason to love you my lady,I only need you to be there and my heart will learn to hold your’s forever.I love and treasure you.If these be the last words I share,let it know that in my world you are welcome,you and our little prince belong.Non without the other.All a part of my heart.Always.

From my heart to your’s precious.

I love you.

PePa.

FRIDAY: Sketches of conformation.

It’s Friday

Morning is passed all rushed from Monday

Day ran so fast like it knew the anxiety

The frustrations and realizations borne.

An anxiety that at point in time grew into resignation

Quite a familiar path of abrasion

That almost leads to aberration if not utmost desperation.

Non of that turmoil however counts for now

But as humans we have let this moment thaw

Thaw away all hope that once rooted a show

A show of faith and delight in perseverance

For humanity or rather still humans do away draw

Draw from the path of trust and rust into the hands of the foe

The foe’s hands always wide open

Open with an hunger quite insatiable

Almost hard to pen and quite insane.

So it is Friday as we cross the cross-end

More like a cross-road of self awareness

A loss to self and dive into another

We look so fearless in a grip of oblivion

If only this facade could unveil our true person

And give us to the realms of God’s embrace

In total surrender would we render us to His beautiful face.

Don’t let the cross-road of self destruction bar you

Don’t let the pull of utter regression bore you

Don’t let the sail of common perception define you.

Let His grace always lead you.

PePa

GOODNIGHT:-Sketches of surrender.

Reflecting on it now

Nights like this are the best

Not like am in a haste

To even try and predict how

How my tomorrow will taste

Just thanking God for the day past

And closing my eyes in total surrender

That I know not what tomorrow may bring

Not that I may even in it sing

So sing I do now in praise

Praise to the Almighty for His grace

Grace and mercies that He assures to renew tomorrow

What if I woke up in a different city

City where no one was all gritty

Gritty because your presence was kinda edgy

Edgy for it ain’t common place to just let go

Let go and let God lead you in paths only He knew where it led

Led to cuz even this day was all His will.

Still I long to just close my eyes

And let go of all sighs

As I do right within this moment

It total acceptance to His will.

Goodnight:;;;—–PePa.