LOVE:sketches of nostalgia.

Far away,in another place,I’d give my soul,just to see her face.If I had known it meant my suitcase,of everything,of everything that she just couldn’t say,how’d she know,I needed that today? Wherever you are is where I want to be,look around and tell me what you see,everything,everything but me……. (DAUGHTRY:everything but me)

I must admit singing along to these lyrics by daughtry is quite a jig that gets my saw on the move.My tongue syncs in unison as every word relayed plays quite tastefully to my mood.It all swings me in till I hit the note of selling or is it giving my soul?I bypass that portion a bit giddily and then another note hits the roof of my syncing tongue kicking in nostalgia.

I love the effect and emotions this song brings to my lost self and then in a snap of a finger tosses me over the loop.Before I realise it am on a wave of thoughts.Most times I breath in hard and want it to all disappear into nowhere.At other moments I wish I was an onlooker into an amazing fiction story but hey,am one in union with the story.A producer would make me the cast,or main cast that is.

This series however has never been one I love to be a part of as these emotions quite get the best of me however much I fight them.I can actually visualise the producer at this point of hesitation from my end urge me on.I love that I can write about these emotions and watch them dissipate from my heart through my aching fingers and onto your dimmed screen.So in writing I can actually fit into my producer’s script and relay these emotions quite well.

I sit here as my fingers type on undeterred in an aim to bring out the best of what am feeling but instead memory takes its tide upon my itchy nape.A second playlist turns in and a question pops in in quite sorrowful but reassuring lyrics.

Shadows fill an empty heart as love is fading,

From all the things that we are,but are not saying,

Can we see beyond the scars,and make it to the dawn,

Change the colours of the sky,And open upto

The ways you made me feel alive,The ways I loved you

For all the things that never died,To make it through the night

Love will find you;-(DAUGHTRY:what about now?)

For a moment I am tempted to believe these words and that there could be even an iota of hope in that sea of lost chances.That for a split second everything could be the way it once blossomed.That maybe,just maybe they could feel the same about me as they did before.

I want to switch off this playlist at this moment as my friend Helsinki would say they are making her sad but then a grip on the lyrics holds me on.You know that cool and drip that always kept you holding onto them.That smile as these lines suggest that you have missed for quite sometime,been almost ages since you actually saw the same kind of smile.Oh and not to forget that infectious laughter that only they could manage,the kind that doesn’t get into your ears but literally rips right through your spine draining chills down your back,beautiful calming chills of satisfaction.

You don’t want to miss their imperfect teeth,crooked at some point that all looks and has always been quite admirable and a mark of true beauty to you.My nerves almost reek apart as am totally drowned into this moment right here.Still I am sure all this could be a wave of emotions trying to cut through me but the human in me actually wants to swim right through it.If you a lover of rock music or have listened to rock before you sure know what am talking about.To jog your memory on how beautiful pain can be listen to this lyrics here.

Pain,without love,pain,can’t get enough,pain,I like it rough cuz I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all

You’re sick,of feeling numb,you’re not the only one

I’ll take you by the hand,and I’ll show you a world that you can understand

This world is filled with hurt,when happiness doesn’t work

Trust me and take my hand,when the lights go out you will understand

(THREE DAYS GRACE:Pain)

Interestingly,the song is sang by a band called Three days Grace.Quite ironical for the hope of grace of pain without love.But what do I expect when the grace only lasts for three days?After all,only God’ grace is sufficient and with it comes no pain.The rest of the lyrics quite work well for someone devoid of feelings and overwhelmed by numbness.A path I would pray you never find yourself on even if you was my worst enemy.

This reminds me of the moments of depression I have had in the past and the struggles I had to pull out thither.This reminds me that it was never wrong for me to have loved at all and that beauty plus to this was that I loved truly and hence have no regrets whatsoever for not getting the same measure.

I hence stop faulting myself as I was the best lover I could ever give.I just might have given it to the wrong person at the right time or the right person at the wrong time.Means not even them were wrong as life sure hands us different circumstances and chances that most times we do overlook or bypass.We hence have no one to blame for our failures whatsoever.

I find myself smiling as this next hit shares beautiful words of encouragement from Three doors down….

Hold me when am here,right me when am wrong

hold me when am scared,and love me when am gone

Everything I am and everything in me,wants to be the one

you wanted me to be,I’ll never let you down

Even if I could,I’d give up everything,if only for your good

So hold me when am here…(THREE DOORS DOWN:Hold me when am here)

I smile and laugh inside as I know you can’t love someone when they are gone and can only do it when they are present.Deep down I now know I can’t cry over spilt milk and must look ahead.

I don’t know about lost chances as I have never subscribed to that school of thought.The melancholic hits don’t seem to give up but I realise that deep within am peaceful.I know that no love is not lost as long as you loved right and truthfully.Right here,the grip of pain and depression gives up its grip on me as yet this last lyrics sweep over me with warmth.I find my lips synching along again to……

Am singing,Amen I,Amen I,Am alive,am alive

If everyone cared,and nobody cried

If everyone loved,and nobody lied

If everyone shared,and swallowed their pride

Then we’d see the day,that nobody died.

(NICKELBACK:if everyone cared)

The pain and sorrows within my nostalgic heart subside as I know I loved and still love,only I gotta let go of those who can’t give back the love I give and learn to love them from afar.Love is still love whether near or far,right?

PePa.

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3 thoughts on “LOVE:sketches of nostalgia.

  1. Beautiful post, Jay! I love the way you’ve put your emotions in words. Not everyone can do that so easily. ☺️💛

    I love Daughtry! 12 yrs ago, I used to listen to his first album on repeat, and know all the songs by heart. He’s an amazing artist! 💛

    Like

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